Have you ever seen someone you love
is in trouble? What did you feel? Did you feel worried, afraid or sad? Yes, I
felt that kind of feeling when my beloved father got an accident. That was ten
years ago when I was in fourth grade in elementary school. That was the worst
experience that I ever felt. I was very shock, when I knew my beloved father
got an accident and it made he got 38 needleworks on his left shoulder.
Ten years ago, my beloved father got
an accident. At that time, as usual he went to the field in the morning. He
wanted to cut the grass to feed his cows. Unfortunately, a sickle that he
brought to cut the grass scathed his left shoulder. I don’t know exactly the
chronological how that sickle could scathe his shoulder, because I don’t want
to know. I am afraid to imagine that thing. That was Sunday morning, I was at
home with my Mom. Both of my brothers went to Denpasar to buy a pair of
football shoes. Suddenly, my father called my mother. Then, she and I looked at
my father. We were very shocked, afraid and worried when we saw my father’s
body full of blood. His complexion and flesh on left shoulder was lost.
My Mom was panic. She asked help to
my nearest neighbors. They came and they were quickly took my father to the
nearest Public Health Centre to get the first aid. It was very disappointed.
There was no a doctor yet, there was only a nurse there, whereas that was at
8.30 in the morning. When my mom asked the nurse to bring my father to the
hospital by ambulance, she said that the ambulance’s driver was not coming yet.
Although, I was ten years old I knew how panic and disappointed my mom was. Eventually, my father was brought to the
hospital by my neighbor’s car.
Finally, he arrived at Kemoning
hospital. The nurses readily took my father to the emergency unit. Then, a doctor gave him 38 needleworks on his
left shoulder. The doctor said that he didn’t need to stay at the hospital for
several days. He allowed him to back home and took rest at home. He gave my
father some medicines to help the healing of my father’s injury. My mom was
relieved because that injury didn’t endanger my father’s life. After that we turned
home together.
So, I think, that accident was the most terrible experience that I ever
had. I saw directly my father’s body full of blood. Moreover bad service from
the Public Health Center made that day totally horrible for me. Since that time,
am afraid when I see an injury or blood.
Hay Arik, nice to see your blog :D
ReplyDeleteIt is unusual experience, Arik and I can't imagine how it is in your position at the time. You saw your father full of blood and got bad service from the public health center in the same day. What a pity Arik
overall, I like your story and you already have a good structure in your writing and grammar too. I can find your topic sentence :D, but, pay attention on the last paragraph because your font size is different with the other paragraph.
Keep working Arik :D
Wow. It is a scary experience. I can not imagine how can I see my lovely father getting an accident and feeling so hurt because of it. You are strong enough to see it, moreover you can help your mother, although you are still ten years old at that time.
ReplyDeleteYour writing is very good, Ari. I love it. Your content is so interesting and the way you tell your story is attractive enough. :)
However, I think you need to pay attention to the organization.
For example, the sentence in the third paragraph. You wrote, "They came and they were quickly took my father to the nearest Public Health Centre to get the first aid."
I think, it is better if you write, "They came and took my father to the nearest Public Health Centre quickly to get the first aid."
Overall, you have done a good job. Keep writing. :)